Wednesday, May 14, 2003 [feeling] [[ exhausted mentally and physically ]] heaven by your side;
[listening] [[ all the love in the world - the corrs ]]
[thinking] [[ what am i supposed to do with all these blues ]]
[wishing] [[ for someone who really sees me ]]
really tired. reached school still like walking zombie like that. *hur. so was like once i was at my place. i just plopped onto the chairs and slept on them. =\ *haiya. lately felt so lonely. anyway. peyyy came into class today for contact. and then it was chem pract. she escorted us to the lab! i bet it's anggayleng's fault. i bet she complained about us being late all the times. and that's why peyyy resorted in doing this. =\ whatever. it's the teachers' problem. not us.
but anyway. chem pract was on titration. i think. is that the word? whatever. but it was quite fun actually. like the burette and the pipette. =)) then the P and Q thing. P's a solution of hydrochloric acid of unknown concentration and Q's sodium hydroxide. we were supposed to pipette Q into a conical flask and then add some indicator screened methyl orange. i wonder why it's called orange when it's green. hmmm. =\ anyway. we then need to add those P slowly into the flask with the help of the burette. it was like a disaster! =\ i was like slowly slowly. and it was still green. then someone came along and talked to me and i screwed the experiment up. the thing turned pink! =( *aiiaii.. whatever lar huh.
then it was physics. =\ erm. i was writing letters i think. yea. replying sherlyn. *hoho. took me like years to reply man. and 4 bloody pages long. what's with me. too naggy. =\ ackackack. but i know some ca scoresheet was passed around. talking about ca scoresheet. emath, amath, geog, bio, physics and chem were already passed around. mymy. it's really sucky. the prc scholars are like really zai and i'm like so shit man. then anyway the one passed round i think it was physics or chem. yea. i was just asking angeline to pass it to my table and meixian shouted at me. i don't know why. i just well. shrugged and went on writing my letter. then weiling and the other jac were like saying. ohman. jac. what's wrong with meixian. why did she shout like that to you? and why didn't you scold her back. =\
well. i couldn't be bothered. it's not like it's the first time anyone in 302 treated me like this. i was just.. too exasperated. and to think now she's telling the whole of 204 that i'm shallow in the msn group. just because i stopped dao-ing her or whatsoever after she said she will treat me to recess as an apology. no meixian. i hope you're reading this. i didn't stop dao-ing you 'cause you said you will treat me. i was thinking that you'd apologised for a lotsa times and you seemed guilty about that. that's why i ack care about it yea? and don't be that cocky about saying wanna treating me when you didn't treat me alright. and maybe it's a mini conflict to you, but you didn't know how much you'd hurt me. i'm already having some bloody difficulties fitting into the class, accepting it like it is, and i don't think i deserve this kinda of attitude from you when i've done absolutely nothing to irritate you. and if forgiving you only brings me some insults like i'm shallow. i wish i hadn't done so. and i'm not being petty here okay.
had pe and we were made to run like 5 rounds. was running with weiling at first. and suefaye and mel didn't want to run. so i think they told mrs wee they had cramps and gastric pains. and she decided to believe mel and not suefaye. so suefaye caught up with us at the back and was running with her and decided we could make a dash to the squash toilet and hid there. it was so exciting i tell you. =) yea. and the stupid water cooler ain't working. =.= anyway we ran in through the corridor between the d+t room and the gym. and we came out and hid beside the d+t room. waiting for the class to run past. it was like third round so we decided to run out and jogged a little. then walked the rest. =\ wellwell. we really had fun. =)) later on she was like telling us about those 5 stations and stuffs. so yep. that's it and we were released 5 minutes earlier.
recess was okay. sat with hanzhang and zhonglu. sometimes i lurve them a lot. i really mean it. the prc scholars. they just are that fun and they won't make me feel that bad in class. afterall they're older than us and much more sensible and sensitive? and they always are full of encouragements and yea. and great tutors too. like they're willing to spend some time teaching me math and chinese. i really appreciated them man. but then again. funny zhonglu wanted me to cry 'cause i'm always laughing. i wonder why.
amath was on remainder whatever. yea. managed to understand and did some of them. i think wongtk's quite okay to me recently. didn't pick on me or anything. maybe i didn't give her any attitude problems huh. well. i'm determined to buck up on my studies now. just like the ca results motivated me to do so. i need more motivation though. else i will die out sooner or later. =\ laoshi did not come again for higher chinese. she gave us some yuebaolianxi again. didn't know how to do. shall ask my mum to help me again i guess.
was talking to michelle, meixian and angeline during lunch. gossiping a lil. okay. of all things meixian had to tell them about kevin and bryna. right. and hey meixian. listen up. i know you so happen to know that i know him. and it so happened that you know about some other stuffs. and don't ever say i'm a boyfriend-snatcher or breakup whatever shit. i'm not. and if you don't know me well, dahling. please don't make assumptions then. and you should know how well you know me if i don't confide in you. but anyway. the conversation was quite nice. i really lurve michelle sometimes. she's just so.. cute and sweet. yep. hope you just stay who you're else i don't know who else in the class i can really.. understand. 'cept the prc scholars maybe.
emath was okay. what's that topic she's teaching now anyway. =\ no idea what they're teaching nowadays. just so blur with everything. anyway she returned this variation spring test. got 14/15. deducted one mark for no equation. then later on we did the graph thing. yep. understandable. but the thing was right. i don't see the point in doing that. haiya. ack. lesson ended and peyyy wished us goodluck for pft. hmmm. went down alone. sometimes it's really shit. to go anywhere yourself. i missed 204. and how we used to go everywhere with everyone else.
pft was okay lar. 308 was running round somewhere at the courts when we were gathering outside the gym. like saw them. wonder what the hella they were doing. =\ had situps first. so-so lar. partnered with karen. cheated a lil. =)) then it was standing broadjump. i so didn't dare to jump alright. stupid incident. somemore i was jumping at the same spot i died last time =\ okay. deproved a lot yar. ack lar. as long i got C. =.= and no one was there to comfort me or anything. i really didn't wish to jump. and it like so shit and hell. ack. then sit and reach was nice. and belicia came to sit with me for a while. =) really nice.
and was talking to michelle and people. and angeline just had to tell biyi about the stuffs we talked about during lunch. and suefaye had to add on about someone else. and i hit angeline quite hard i think. she was pissed with it and she walked off. even when i apologised a lotsa times. ohwell. she said she wanna make me feel guilty and she went to tell almost the whole world i hit her head. i was really feeling bad about it and i was trying to think about something happy. then i saw the art room and it reminded me of geraldine. and i saw her. she was really happy with her class. tears were rolling down my cheeks. no one saw that though. felt like a loser after that. shuttle run was soso lar. ack about it and went to kfc to eat out with geri dahling.
talked a lotsa stuffs. lurve her lurve her lurve her. =) and we were talking about something like our ideal bf or something like that. she said that she realised none of the guys she knew met the criterias of hers. that's sad. but it's quite true lar. anyway. i was thinking. actually it might be like. your true lurve won't fit all the criterias afterall. true lurve doesn't need those. i think. well. ack. and i called up the tee-shirt maker. 10 - 11 bucks for our shirt. quite reasonable price i think. reached home at 8 plus and bathed. *whoa. felt like dying. so tired.
and anyway, thought about a lotsa stuffs while bathing. was thinking about that angeline incident. decided that i should write a letter to her. something like: hey angeline, i'm really sorry about what had happened. i felt bad about it till i cried a lil while we were at the void deck. but anyway. i was thinking. i'm not gonna apologise to you again. i'll only apologise to your head. afterall it's your head which got hit by me. and you can't solely blame me for what that has happened. you got me pissed with your exclamation on what suefaye's said. i'm not sorry now for hitting you. and please. do you have to tell biyi what i've told you? those stuff said there at the guidance centre was like mean to be personal and private. and i hoped you should know why we won't just talked in class and we went to the guidance centre to do so. i was thinking you're really nice and stuff, but you really proved me wrong by what you'd said. i don't deserve this kinda mental torture from you, i'm already feeling apologetic about what i've done and you dao-ed me and said you won't talk to me and to make me feel more guilty. do i need to do this back to you then. i'm like pissed too. ohwhatever.
very depressed while thinking. but no one seemed to care or understand. partly my fault 'cause i never tell anyone. but i'm just so not that kinda person that will vomit everything out about how i feel. even if i complain i won't complain all of it. just a lil. i'm scared i'll freaked people out by saying too much and they will be like gone forever and won't listen to me again. and i just bottled everything up. which is obviously not doing me any good. =\ also thought about meixian and the class. which got me crying half-way bathing. i just sat on the floor and the water splashing down me. guess it calmed me down a lot.
came online and updated my blog. talked to jiahui 'cause she talked to me and thanked me 'cause denise received the parcel already. i was so relieved i tell you. thank god i didn't screw up. =) was talking about serene later with her. was like getting quite good 'cause i made her not so mad. but in the end i said something really wrong and got her pissed. told her stuffs that she should forgive serene. but i guess it's her own choice afterall. i'm sorry serene i can't help. but i've made an effort to help out. and i wish i'm not that hypocritical. i told her how we should be forgiving and stuffs. but i'm not myself. which is really. contradicting. i'm a walking contradiction.
danen's like damn zai in his pft okay. but he's a guy afterall. *hur. he got 43 or 48 cm for sit and reach. but i got 51. *yay. then he jumped 248 cm for standing broadjump. and i jumped a pathetic 166 - 168 cm only. can't blame me. i tried my best to overcome that fear to jump. then he got 9.5s for shuttlerun. ack. he's in track. that's why. *lol. can't remember what i got. ohwell. and he did 10 pullups while i got 11 for ipu. and bloodyhell he did 66 situps. twice the amount i did okay. nevermind. he's a guy he's a guy. that's why. =))
talked to zing on a lotsa stuffs, i was crying like hell while doing so. basically complaining about what happened yesterday. and how sick of rg i was. blahblahblah. and i didn't want to go school the next day. partly body aching all over and my backbone's hurting like shit again. ohdarn. when will it just bloody heal?! and partly i didn't want to see angeline and meixian. and maybe everyone else in the class. and to think i cried like mad over something that might seem nothing to them. felt that my eyes were so dry, so decided to just go to sleep. was brushing teeth when i realised my whole eyes were bloody swollen from all those sobbings, which reminded me of what karen's said once. while she was reading my blog, read one entry saw something about me crying. then when she scrolled down further, i was crying in another entry. seemed like i've been crying too much lately.
i'm thinking of deleting this whole blog. don't seem to see any point of keeping it any longer.
x 4:45 pm
| powered by tagboard |
|
powered by blogger the blogskins layout by intoxicated; |