__________a n g e l in need of a direction

Monday, June 23, 2003

[[ 17/06/2003 - 18/06/2003 ]]
nothing much. was just staying at home stoning..? tried to mug but apparently i really failed miserably. started to panick 'cause i just realised that school's in in a week's time. i felt like banging my head against the wall. i said i wanna pia this holiday. and look. i didn't do anything at all. how winner i am.

and everyone was saying how guai i am these two days. just because i stayed at home. wellwell. why are they saying that?! =| it's not like i went out a lot the previous week. or maybe i did go out a lot. but so? *hur. nevermind. i admit i went out too much anyway. too much that i couldn't sit still now to do homework. i'm itching to go out. just anywhere will do. i don't like the feeling being stuck at home with an insane mother nagging whole day. it's kinda like a loss of freedom. =\ maybe not that serious. but yea. someone just get me out of the damn house please?!

and all the time i was at home, trying to blog what happened the week before. and it's really great to be able to do so yea. and i realised i'm too long-winded. i don't know why. but i think i like the idea of doing so. just having a sense of security from nowhere. like long entries so that it will turn people off from reading. that's what i hope so.

i think i hate people who are too obsessed with something. like especially some artistes or whatsoever. i don't know. maybe i shouldn't be mentioning names. but tzekwan and her leslie cheung. jiamin with those chinese boybands. i think that clique in 204, i only like vivian. she's just so bloody cute. and she doesn't seem to be too obsessed with anything. vanessa and her energy. i think liting with her lifehouse is okay though. lifehouse is nice. but her over man utd is insane. okay maybe these kinda things pissed me off totally when i don't like that person. not really. i guess it's sorta true though. but i've no comments about man utd. just that i don't understand why they like soccer so much. it's just some bunch of people running after a ball. *eeps. i mean it's okay to be crazy over something. but not too long or that serious about it.

had been blog-surfing too. i really agree with their thoughts. and i thought my mum is the only insane one around. guess i'm not the only one being so mentally tortured by my mum. there are others too. conclusion: some mums are just pure crazy.

"quit acting as if you know me, just 'cause you read my blog. why does the whole world think [i'm] so happy? why does the whole world think they know me? many unanswered questions. just by reading a few words, everybody just forms their own warped ideas [about me]. don't judge a book by a cover they say. what bullshit."

and this.

"people always say looks doesn’t matter, but admit it, it does matter. at least for the first impression. right?"

and these.

"i had this urge to like start [scolding] him again then i remembered how that msg like all the other msgs and stuff were just part of his hypocrisy... yeahs im still gonna continue ignoring him."

"all i want is somebody to hold me and tell me everything is alright."

"when i wake up in the morning you're the first person that pops into my head. i can't stop thinking about you."

"it's those little things that mean alot."

and this part that is quoted from geraldinedarling's blog. totally described what i felt that night or rather, it's morning when i was doing my stupid newspaper project. except that i didn't cry. i stopped crying over this kinda stuffs. guess it's just a phase i went through long ago huh.

"I don't know why I'm crying in front of this freaking machine. I don't know why I'm actually crying in the first place... I don't know what to do, there's nothing I can do anyway...

People think they can push me around. People think they can order me about. Don't get cocky, assholes. I'm just being nice, and treating you people like human beings while I get treated like dirt. It's not fair, is it? That's just how the world is. Why be nice, if you're not gonna be treated nice too? Answer me, mankind! WHY bother? Is it because I'm too nice, or am I too stupid and naive to think that I'll be treated with respect, and that others will be sensitive towards my feelings. I'm shedding tears in front of a blardy machine! A MACHINE! And not a human being. Why don't you ask me why? Because most of the humans I know are assholes without compassion. Why, hugging the computer could possibly be even better than hugging a human. At least the hug won't turn into a stab.

I have no freaking idea why I'm putting up with all this nonsense...

Signs of losing it are near.. I'm actually crying over a stupid project now. And over a few assholes, or as someone else said, bitches. Why can't people just leave me alone? I just want to be alone and have my own peace when I seriously need tranquility. I DO NOT NEED EXTRA WORK. People, get a life. You study for 19 years of your life, and work like asses, until you can retire to bask in the miserly amount of riches and luxuries you earned. Some of you don't even make it to retirement! What's the point? Government, get a freaking life.

Three quarters of my tissue box is gone... and I am still sniffing... hopeless me. Now I'll hafta wait ten more minutes for my project. And while everybody rests in deep slumber, I'll be cursing at my printer. Good morning everyone."

heaven by your side;
x 2:06 pm