Tuesday, June 03, 2003 [feeling] [[ cheerful ]] heaven by your side;
[listening] [[ you took my heart away - mltr ]]
[thinking] [[ how fickle-minded i am ]]
[wishing] [[ everyone to be happy ]]
it's soso true. i mean i was just saying that i wanna stop blogging and everything and basically abandon everything on this blog on my birthday. but i couldn't. i couldn't bear to part with all those nice memories i had last four months. it's just too precious to me.
it's amazing how we always take people/things for granted when they are by our side. it is only when we are on the verge of losing them then we realise how important they are to us.
so i guess i won't publish these few entries until after like maybe this week's over. i will just continue blogging. 'else i keep on having this urge to blog. just to satisfy myself and my temptation now. was in a good mood when i went to school. it's mainly 'cause i've a really nice and fun and interesting, for once, weekend this time. and afterall it's my birthday and we had that stupid school closure thing. =)) i mean there's good food somemore. and great movies. *whoa. enjoyment enjoyment. who cares about my chinese file content page not updated, yuwenlianxi undone, tingxie not learnt, geography worksheet half-done. life's about enjoying yourself to a certain extent. not too overboard huh. but it's my birthday. so let's just ack. =))
i guess i'm quite friendly and fun to be with? that's why i get to make friends with all kinds of people. i mean. hardly you ever see people lugging big soft toy around somewhere. and i'm one of the few ones i guess. the prc scholars shared cost and bought this big dino soft toy for my birthday present. damn cute. and they say it looks like me. =\ why-oh-why? last year was that me-to-you bear bought by dahling. i think i'm really fortunate. =)
i think i'm really lucky sometimes. like i've got a bunch of friends who are so nice and sweet. so nice that they help me with me homework. or rather. it's actually like letting me to copy their homework last minute. like geog worksheet on tourism in malaysia. did the questions until the last two. and i went to school. meixian lent me hers and i started copying madly. luckily i was able to finish it on time. =) but newby didn't collect. ohwell. she went through some of the stuffs in the textbook. i think she really can teach. but she's going too fast though. far too fast that i couldn't catch up while copying notes and whatsoever. and anyway. i mean you know the class is actually listening attentively and participating actively in geog. only. *whoa. i'm marvelled. and there's no homework for once this lesson. *whee.
had emath next. sorta can understand. but i don't like this kinda stuffs like finding volume and area for math. or either that the angles. *whoa. can just bang my head against the wall and die. i think peypey's getting very annoyed with us. and she can't do anything to us 'cause we're her form class. i think it's more headache to teach us than to die. did my amath and emath assignment. ain't that like *clapclap.
then we went down for recess. had recess with zing and made her scream. 'cause i told her something like newby didn't collect the tourism worksheet and she spent like hours doing it last night. poor her. hurriedly went up to class after that. 'cause english she won't be coming. attending some course. went up to do my yuwenlianxi. managed to finish with the help of meixian's worksheet again. man. thanks. then copied out the chinese project in physics lesson. amazing how i copied two pages of shit in one block. and i still have got the time to study tingxie. i think hochengkam showed the video tape and melissaguay passed me my belated birthday present. thanks mel. it's soso funkae. my name on it!
higher chinese had tingxie. and people from our class think that laoshi's pregnant. =)) they said she told her form class. and told them not to let others know. apparently.. it somehow got spread. and i'm just telling the whole world now. =\ then the rest of the time she taught us how to do bao zhang bao dao for composition. stayed back after school to update the content page of my chinese file. wanted to go home with vanessa. so waited with her for the other jac from 303. she had class com meeting with miss pang. gosh. that mad woman can really crap. exceeded like 2 hours than expected.
we left without her at 4 and went to han's for lunch + dinner. van had spaghetti and i had some prok chop set dinner. *yumyum. geraldine came and met us. they think i can't cut the meat properly. and they took turns to help me cut. while enjoying themselves eating my food. =.= after that, went home with them.
[[ tuesday ]]
had chem pract early in the morning. pissed the shit out of me. the stupid titration thing. a bit shit only. and i was in this fcuked up mood. and erm maybe the situation was too fcuked up. 'cause i still can't differentiate what's a burette and pipette. and i was like argueing with the other jac over some small lil shittifying stuffs. i was saying that i pipetted out the ethanol already and it's for my own damn flask. and she was like. no we're sharing. and i was like trying to tell her that. 50 cm-cube of that solution won't be enough for the titration. and everyone seemed to be siding her side of arguement. so i gave in and gave her my fcuking ethanol. then later it was provened that i was right. and she had to go in front again to take the stupid orange juice. and i had to pipette yet another time the ethanol. a bit pissifying only. though she was kind enough to take the orange juice.
biology was. well crap. and i was in quite a bad mood after the chem pract. think jac's too exasperated with me. i think i'm gonna pissed her off sooner or later. but now she pissed me off first. so i'm not sure what i'm capable of doing to piss her off. and it's like half the time she went to sit with bernie. it's not i'm jealous or what. but it made me look like some loser. and she definitely has a partner. it's not like her partner's some scholar like bernie. and that's why she went there 'cause she has no partner. but no! she has a sweet and nice partner like me and she just went to sit with her. and bernie ain't that oh-so-great. so i don't know why she seemed to be trying to get near her for. she seemed to be sucking up to her. that's what someone else was thinking and i didn't really agree. now the more i think the more i think it's quite true. *ack. wasted the time on some other stuffs. didn't go down for recess. i think i was doing some assignment. and i wasn't in the mood to eat anything. emath was like more and more properties. more and more confusing. i'll try to sort it out in the holiday.
during english lesson, suefaye and i went down to canteen and had our recess + lunch. the canteen was soso empty. we bought food to eat and talk about our ex-classmates. talking about who's cute and who's not. and how tall they are and everything. =) and it's like so exciting to escape from class. 'cause only like once in a while you get to do something so thrilling. like risking yourself from getting caught, and when you don't get caught, you feel.. great. and of course you get to enjoy your food. =))
then higher chinese. we were supposed to write some bao zhang bao dao but we requested whether we could do it on thursday and she agreed. so she gave us back our test paper and it was like shit. i was expecting like maybe 70 something % but i only got 61%. 'cause it's like i sorta asked cheryl and geraldine what words and what came out for zhao ju and i did quite well. but my summary and cloze passage were my killer. damn shit. both section i failed can. and the prc scholars got like 90 something 80 something and they're complaining how low they got. =\ she then briefed us on our holiday homework. and she let us off early for lunch.
just stayed in class doing nothing during lunch. too full. went to check out that work experience thing again. i'm not very sure whether i want it or not.
sitting in class having amath lesson is a pure torture to your eyes, your ears, practically everything. i rather be deaf, blind, crippled, blablabla than to see her. ohwait. i think i'll take back my words. she can't be that bad. she's just too bad for me to even bother about her and acknowledge her existence on earth.
304 was having amath remedial so i waited for geraldine at wisma. damn wongtk. got myself some whipped potato and coke. =) brother called to help him buy some assessment book. walked around in wisma then went to popular to buy my brother his book. called geraldine while i was in the toilet. rushed down and met her. went home with emily, geraldine and one of her seniors.
there's like nothing i could do online and i feel like blogging.
mel's not very herself these few days. and everyone else is. i wonder why. like when i was depressed. everyone else was happy. and now i'm all cheerful and bouncy and just a happy person. everyone around me are feeling down and out. but mel dahling dear. i wish that you know. i'm always here for you. come and talk to me about your problem. afterall, i went through it before too. and after i sorted out my thoughts, i found out and realised, sometimes funny people entering your life is a blessing in disguise. they spiced up your life. there's some purpose behind it i believe, that they came into your life. and i guess everyone will feel like a loner sometimes. but it's definitely not always. and having one close friend is both good and bad. at least you got someone to talk to but there's some fear that she will betray you. and yet having many friends won't work either. 'cause they're just there when you're fun to be with, and not there to share your woes. and. i guess everyone uses laughing as a facade, to hide their depression, to hide their embarrassment, and almost everything. so accepting stuff as what it is, is the only option you can choose to make yourself happy.
came home and was blog-surfing. and i found out that show i'm totally crazy over is called itazura na kiss! ohman. i reallyreally lurve it! aihara kotoko and irie naoki!! i was like reading this website on the show. and it was like so cool. i wanna find the vcds and watch it again man.
and i realised after i surfed the net about itazura na kiss. i have a lack of dreams. i 'm always so troubled over what to do with my life and what is living all about. i wish i have multitudes of dreams in my mind like kotoko. most people already have an idea what they wanna be when they're adult. and i'm like stuck here what i wanna be. i wanna be unique, yet i don't think i can survive with that. you won't be able to earn much money. but having those same damn job people have will make me so sianified and everything. i will lose interest and all. and i won't concentrate. i won't excel either. =\ i'm scared of commitments. it's important and worth it to just sit down and think carefully about our future. 'cause it's gonna be.. a life-long commitment. but it's also because we live only once and it is crucial that we do the things we enjoy.
forget it. i shouldn't be thinking about this. some stuffs are so totally beyond control. even if you're sure of what you wanna be, you may not be what you wanna be. i can just jollywell marry myself off to a old billionaire and wait for him to die.
x 11:30 pm
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