__________a n g e l in need of a direction

Wednesday, June 04, 2003

[[ wednesday ]]
well. it's friday's timetable. lotsa people thought we could wear cullottes and pe tee-shirt. but they forgot that they have assembly in the afternoon in the hall. or they didn't know there is. so mel was saying how she can escape but she won't feel comfy. and she asked me to pass something to yvonne. and we had biology. it's her last week this week. =) *yay. i hope she's gone and we'll get some nice teacher. some good one. i can't stand her and her voice. and we have another wongtk to handle. not very helpful if we have both of them together.

chemistry was on percentage yield and trust me. it's very bad. i couldn't understand a single shit. and there's a test tomorrow. great jac. welldone. you're screwed.

recess went up to third level and met zihua. was supposed to pass yvonne something for melissa 'cause she can't get out of the room 'else she gets booked. and yvonne class's having lesson. so i passed it to zihua and went to have recess with zihua. i'm sure i miss her like shit. she's so sweet and innocent. ohman. and saw jiahui too! asked her what she wanted to tell me but refused to tell me now and she was with that hsiu tzhu. heard from her that i'm vice-chair. *whoawhoa.

then it was psl investiture in the assembly. if only i didn't screw up my application form by filling shit at the back, i would have been one of them on the stage. =( seriously, the dances were all screwed up. everything screwed up basically. like yinjia and melissa for example. yinjia they kept forgetting to read her name out and they said that mel wasn't there when she was standing right there. sian right. and it's like both happened to our class's psls. damn can.

geography. we went through the 4As thing and something on the 1-dollar package and the card with some sort the same functions as credit card. discussed about that and then she briefed us on our holiday homework. it's only one tourism worksheet that we have to research on the net. that's all. and parsley said there was a hella load of homework. i wonder why.

went for duties. missliah told me that i'm vice-chair. sulked a lil 'cause i really wanna be chairman. like i definitely need the points for an A1. but ended up i'm quite happy about it. 'cause i realise vice-chair and chairman have the same point. and vice-chair won't be so bad 'cause it's lesser responsibilities and furthermore there's two of them. so yep. it's okay. i can share my burden with her or something. =) but the freaking thing is. indu is the other vice-chair. i jollywell.. can die. but my 10 points will be fulfilled. so i'm okay with it. and ohman. yihui's the group leader. expected. but i can't imagine myself under some leader like yihui that mad junior who called me a bimbo. a BIMBO. me?! that's totally oh-so-not-me.

realised that my june holiday ain't holiday. okay. everyone else's timetable ain't that not very packed too. 'cause of the stupid sars. 'cos of our.. sadist and weirdo teachers. maybe my holiday gonna be quite fun. at least that's what danen thinks. his timetable even more crap than mine. wellwell. and i just realised there's com service too. =\ that. fun? i'm not too sure.

tissina and some sec 4 were going ga-ga over fan-fics. and i was doing a lot of stuffs again today. like counter duty and being the cashier. and some processing shit. what the hell. they're just some selfish bitches. but i guess i was as selfish last time. when i didn't do my duties. retributionretribution.

went home with missliah after that. lately i have been quite close to her. can talk to her about anything. she's gonna give me another angbao anyway for my birthday! =) and i think that miss veronica at the general office's counter asked her who i am when i waited for her to sign out. and she replied. "god-dotter"!! funkae. and as usual. the way home, talked to her about lots of stuffs. and i realised she believes a lot in god.

then it suddenly dawned on me that. maybe i believe the existence of a god up there somewhere. but i don't talk to god or anything. which most people do. and it got me thinking. am i really a free-thinker.

like the moving of furniture sound in the middle of the night. they say it means there's something dirty in the apartment above yours if you hear any. i heard it last night again. and it was loud and scary. and it lasted for quite long. i wished i believed in something and that it/he/she will be there for me and will be there to calm myself down. but there's nothing i could do. sometimes i wanna just run to and be with someone special. be it god or anyone else. but i don't think i've found anyone whom i can trust to do so to. i sort of hesitate everytime. once bitten twice shy eh. got betrayed. hate betrayal. never ever trusted anything or anyone after that. not even myself. and like maybe you would say god. i could just simple run to god. but the thing is. i wonder sometimes if it works. like is there really god. it somehow contradicts you get what i mean? my thoughts always contradict.

and the only thing i could do was to shut my eyes and sleep. i'm thinking too much sometimes.

heaven by your side;
x 9:57 pm