__________a n g e l in need of a direction

Sunday, July 27, 2003

[[ 17/07/2003 - 19/07/2003 ]]
nothing much on thursday. just that we took our bio test during lunch and for once a teacher actually sat there throughout the damn test with us to prevent us from cheating! like. whatever. but he had to go up for lessons the last 10 minutes. so we kinda discussed a little. and then later on it's social studies so we ponned it and went to canteen to have our lunch properly. and when we went up later on. heard that leekimlan didn't even know okay. that's like so superb. and it's the alst day for that relief chem teacher. i think she's good. as in she knows what to take note and what not. and like yea. she knows our style of studying i guess. it's kinda sad she's going lar. =|

after that, accompanied angeline to that kfc in wisma. kinda talked a lil.. i guess i'm still not very open to her. and i think it's kinda unfair to her. somehow she talks to me about almost everything. but i'm hiding this and that from her. which is really bad.. but i think talking to zing and steph's an easier job. maybe. i'm sorry darling. that we met each other too late. but yar. she's supposed to meet her friend. her another very good fren. i'm glad for her lar. i mean. i guess i'm not a good fren afterall. so she should just go find a better fren like christine. yar? and i know my language ain't that powerful unlike you in the sense that i'm kinda still unsure. unsure of how to put it this and that way. and that when i'm thinking i will hesitate. then all those nonsenses and sucky grammar will come out. but see. i'm trying to improve already. and you see that too. and i don't think it happen when i write or anything, it's just when i'm talking.

and yes. that's my weakness. i don't see why you want to talk about it everytime to everyone. i guess everyone wants people to compliment them. and that when people point out your mistakes and weaknesses. you hate it. i hope you understand that i'm human too. and it's obvious that i will feel that way too sometimes. and i seriously think that sometimes i should trust you again and again. and yet it's kinda disappointing how you want people to keep secrets for you and yet you're kinda "betraying" my trust in you and you told the world about mine. unknowingly or purposely. i hope you really know that i'm trying very hard not to spill your secrets out. and i wish that you'll respect the way i respect you like what you want me to.

after that. met pet and went to meet van biyi and jiamin. biyi left with ben later and only jiamin pet and i were looking at the wallets. seriously i think it's only van and jiamin. but well nevermind. it's kinda like a boring afternoon. and i've no where to go. so i tagged along with them. and i didn't want to go home alone too. so yep. later on we met biyi sally karen ben in somerset. and we went city hall and it was really funny there. and i think everyone was kinda high and hysterical. kinda loud see.

i think if people are sensible enough, they shouldn't be in any relationship. even if they really do love each other. i guess they should just remain as good friends. what's wrong with it anyway? and i saw aisyah the other day with another guy acting intimately. i don't know what benefits or anything she's getting out from it. and i don't know this is the how-many-times she's changed a bf or whatever. but i thought i was totally disgusted by what she's doing. no offence though. to people with bf or gf.

got booked on friday. for belt. -sulks- that means i have to be a really guai-looking pile of shit now till the end of the year. 'cause i can't afford another booking. 'else there's gonna be some stupid dc thing. *ugh. dreaded. it's always like that. one booking each for belt and socks. last year it's also like that. *bah. and louisalee talked to my parents about it. so sucky. this year. no chance of peyyy talking to my parents in spm. but who knows if she will call. i doubt she will. and wongtk. what if she call and talk about my attitude problem. like yes. to her only. but i don't think it'll happen 'cause she stopped picking on me already.. she's picking on suefaye now i think..

went to bishan sports hall anyway. to support rhythmic gym finals. clare and her sis are good. didn't know that evelyn's that zai to get like a lotsa prizes kae. but i knew she's darn freaking flexible all along. ohwell. and iris was in the group 3 hoops and 2 ropes i think. didn't know she was in rhythmic gym.. heard she quit co too. guess she's good? wellwell. i know i can't hate someone that long. and i can't find the reason to hate them like how i used to hate them. i don't think i hate her anymore. i'm just tired of ialready lar. maybe there's still that lil hatred. but i think it's over. yea. maybe i shall be nice again. we'll see.

i feel like i'm so evil to everyone when they're so nice to me. i'm aware of that. i just don't know what to do to repay their kindness. but then i guess that if i'm just there somewhere, where people can just come and find me and talk to me to comfort them to console them when they need that. that'll be enough. and in a way, i kinda make it when everyone seems to run to me when they're bored or troubled or they couldn't make up their minds. but i just wish someone is there for me like how i am to some others when they need me. is it that hard? but somehow. when i'm lost. when i need help. i'm left alone there to defend myself on my own. i'm alone. i need people to help me make decisions too. but there's no one there. i know there's a few that's there sometimes.. but i need someone who constantly will be there no matter what. which is kinda selfish. nevermind.

oh and anyway. went to shop a little at j8. saw tingting. =\ that girl i slapped a few times back in primary school. *hur. and oh. i bought this pants that's really cheap. 8 bucks. really pretty. and my mum thinks it's nice too. but she said she doubts she can wear it 'cause it's too long for her. but i wore it and it's just nice. van bought one pair too. and it's too long for her too.. that means my legs are pretty long. =)

had flagday on saturday. and it was rather fruitful and meaningful lar. quite fun actually. but really tiring. went to goodwoodparkhotel at 1? i think.. then i saw a lotsa people on the way there. asked my dad to drop me at wisma taxi stand. how stupid of me. okay. then i was rather gek by some people. called me and started calling me stupid and everything. and i hanged up. i seriously can't understand some asshole. sometimes they just think that we know what the hell they're thinking. when obviously i don't. cause i can't read minds. and that. if i don't give a satisfying answer. they will start scolding like i don't know what. gek.

went to toa payoh with meixian and angeline. quite okay. it was rather freaky at first. 'cause i asked this guy and he was like saying what "meinu!" something like that and he donated. =\ and it's my first official "business" okay. wangjing donated 20 cents to mee at first. so i was leading. we were having competition see. so anyway. then we continued lar. and i was standing in front of the damn community centres all the while. and meixian and angeline went somewhere else to sit down and slack. okay. and my tin was like half-filled already. then some fucking bitches from tpjc came to snatch my freaking "customers"! damn gek okay. one got a 10-bucks one. eee. oh. then there's this guy who donated 4 bucks. i was like asking whether he wanna donate and he went like "sure!" haha. and there's another guy who donated 2 bucks and asked me how's my day? and went on saying what a great job i'm doing. haha. and then there're a lotsa small kids who came up to me and donated voluntarily.. =)) so happy. and angeline was jealous and she was talking lotsa craps about her being ugly. i mean noo? please? she's mad. =.=

then later i was like so tired. den we handed in our tins and went to long john's and angeline called petrina with my phone saying i'm melting and everything. and asked to come immediately. damn funny. went to check out the kimonos. they said i look great in it. but i bought the pants with van for racial harmony already. so i said i don't think i want it. =\ and angeline dragged me to little india. it's quite mad of her to go there at 6 plus?! and we were like totally out of place 'cause we're wearing out school uniform. and then we went shop to shop and it's like so ex!! so we started cheating and lying saying we have only 30 bucks with us and all those shit. so they will dig out cheap and nice stuffs and charge us lower. damn funny lar.

so we bought this blue top and blue scarf to go with it. i paid 60 bucks first. angeline had no money already. and guess what? it's kinda contradicting to what we were telling those people there. that i have only 30 bucks but i took out like 60 bucks instead. =\ then we went to eat at this coffeeshop where the uncle there's like so blur. asked him where to buy sari he said what eat one?! huh? haha. ate chicken chop. nice lar. but very small portion. out to cheat my money. and then we were talking about a lotsa things again. how we think that some people are so hypocritical and stuffs. and then we tried to escape without paying. but we didn't dare 'cause we're in school uniform. *haha. went home and reached home at most 10.. =\

heaven by your side;
x 11:33 pm