__________a n g e l in need of a direction

Saturday, July 12, 2003

[[ saturday ]]
i'm beginning to think it's a chore to update my blog regularly. partly 'cause of me. i wanted everyday to be blogged. but it looks like it's rather impossible as the days seemed to be passing by faster and faster. and partly 'cause of school. and work. not that i do any work in the first place. i just copied everything wholesale from others. but it does matter. i mean. i really wanna just get back to how i used to be, doing my homework dilligently at the beginning of the year. and i lost that motivation or whatever to study. instead, i wasted the time procrastinating. and whining about how i couldn't get what i wanted. and how stressed i was feeling. when in fact, others were going through the same thing as i was and the thing about not getting what i wanted was because i never did fight for it in the first place. how insensitive can i get sometimes. but the more efforts i put in in studies or whatever stuffs it might be, the further the distance it is away from me. it's kinda loser.

and i think i'm beginning to have nothing much to write about. totally lost all the inspirations. like i totally cannot express what i'm thinking or feeling. or either that i'm just that numb to think or feel that day. or it also can turn out to be that i was thinking and feeling far too much that day that.. i don't know where i should start or i could have just forgotten what i was thinking. *sigh. sometimes. i don't know what i'm thinking about either. just some nonsensical trashy thoughts. but they're kinda disturbing sometimes. like why am i thinking about it when it's so not gonna happen at all.

last saturday turned out to be quite fine actually. went to school early to have my o-level listening comprehension. it's kinda good 'cause i think i've got them all correct. =) like kinda a greaat feeling to know that you secured 10% of your o-level chinese paper marks. which is a hell lotsa marks. glen wished me goodluck at around 8 and continued whining about how screwed up his listening compre was 'cause he knew that he's got 4 of them wrong after that. and i forgot to collect the youth day envelopes that day and went out to watch twins effect with geraldinedarling, steph, petrina, jiarui, jiamin, shiyun, emily. went lido rather early and we met a lotsa people too!! 204 unite! ooo. and i bet peyyy must have hated me a lot for being oh-so irresponsible again.

and it so totally rocked to have like so few people in this big lido 1? and i was laughing like shit as usual. and it was so maluating 'cause i was like talking really loudly saying that there's jackiechan. and then when his name finally appeared i was like there! told you! my brother told me he's in it!! and my frens all laughed at me 'cause it was so hilarious and they think i crush him. the show's damndamn funny, especially that part when jackiechan popped tranquilizers into the vampires' mouth and they started dancing to the music! but it's kinda sad for that girl to kill the one she loves so much, and to see him disappearing right in front of her face. i mean it's already bad enough to see her lover dies, let alone vanishing into thin air. and edisonchen was quite cute and the character he was acting was sooo sweet and cute and innocent. like he never ever sucked blood from a human before. =)

after that, went to heeren with pet to check out yinjia and jiayan doing their flagday. ooo. and i was so right. i had to donate some money okay. and pet donated 5 bucks to jiayan?! like totall richkia huh. i started becoming very crappy and i was sitting down in front of heeren when i saw those stickers you get whenever you donate. and i started flipping them so that the sticky parts are on top and then i was saying let's wait for people to sit there and then those stickers will kena smack right onto their butt. =)) and it also ended up like pet and i dragging them to the annex and started shopping. bought a pair of earrings and we sat down for a lil while before the two jias went to buy earrings too. =)) see how influential i am!

went to taka 'cause jiayan wanna get a pair of shoes. nothing nice and she didn't want anyway. oh. and i was looking around for my new swimsuit! haha. i'm not sure whether i wanna a 2-piece one or what. 'cause i think 2-piece's gonna be better for sun-tanning!! we saw chongqing. and if i'm not wrong, jiayan went up to him and asked his friend and him whether they wanted to donate. only his fren donated. like how stingy is he?! and he's supposed to be a celebrity?! and he's like *whao. that's dao and mean kaes. i think those doing flagday's really pitiful. like walking around asking for donation when there's thousand and one people on the street asking for donation too. i know it's kinda irritating for the shoppers, but those poor souls are really thaat pitiful you can't deny. and i bought apple strudel again. =.=

later, we went to ps, to like let the two of them do their one last round of begging for donations before they fulfilled their 4 hours of commitment. so i was standing there, rather bo-liao. and they asked me to go ask for donations instead. like take it as a practice too. for my upcoming flagday. so i agreed. for the fun of it. and approached this old couple and they donated. and this couple and their kids walked past and they donated too. like i didn't ask them and they did that voluntarily!! =)) so i was rather happy. and the rest were amazed! so they stood there again and there was a few who donated when approached lar. then they asked me to do it again. to show that i've got the capability to persuade people to donate. and i asked this group of aunties with their kids and they donated again! it just proved that my mei4 li4 wu2 fa2 dang3. =))

sigh. whatever my mei li was, it sure didn't stop my mum from being so mean. 'cause she banned me from going home with all the apple strudel. 'cause my cousins were there. and that if i went home with it, they probably gonna finish them within seconds. i thought it was quite selfish and unreasonable of her but on second thought, why do i hafta treat my damn cousins?! but how poor thing was i when i was supposed to finish that half loaf outside!! pet's mum called her and she seemed angry at her. like her mum shouted at her. *whoa.

the greatest pain in life is not to die,
but to be ignored.
to lose the person you love so much
to another who doesn't care at all.
to have someone you care so about so much throw a party
and not tell you about it.
when your favorite person on earth
neglects to invite you to his graduation.
to have people think that you don't care.

the greatest pain in life is not to die,
but to be forgotten.
to be left in the dust after another's great achievement.
to never get a call from a friend just saying "hi".
when you show someone your innermost thoughts
and they laugh in your face.
for friends to always be too busy to console you
when you need someone to lift your spirits.
when it seems like the only person who cares about you is you.

life is full of pain but does it ever get better?
will people ever care about each other
and make time for those who are in need?
each of us has a part to play
in this great show we call life.
each of us has a duty to mankind
to tell our friends we love them.
if you do not care about your friends
you will not be punished.
you will simply be ignored,
forgotten as you have done to others.

how true.

heaven by your side;
x 5:24 pm