__________a n g e l in need of a direction

Tuesday, October 21, 2003

i think i was in a bad mood again this morning. maybe not. maybe i'm just a scaredy cat who does not want to get back her results, a loser who does not want to face the reality. i know my results gonna be real bad. but i was kinda like hoping i'll just pass everything that's all. didn't wanna go to school today. neither do i want to go tomorrow. i think i'll pon tomorrow. might as well pon library duty. it's sucha waste of time going back to check papers and everything. 'cause it's really boring. it's like half the time the marks are counted correctly. so there's no chance of getting more marks. and the other half the time i didn't feel like going through the paper.

oh. but my mood totally changed after i received my damn amc result in the morning! my goodness. high distinction. 118 points. guess it's quite okay. but i felt a tinge of embarrassment maybe? danen knows exactly what i'm feeling now. both of us got prize certificate last year, and both of us only got high distinction this year. it's quite embarrassing that you got quite high and then you fall. but anyway, i got the highest in class. trashed the prc scholars! =) well, it's an achievement afterall right? but i reckon they're at a disadvantage 'cause of their language barrier.

it was horrible after that really. just switched back to my stone-y, bad mood. we got back english, social studies, a math and emath. passed everything 'cept amath. how predictable. but anyway, it's still a surprise surprise. my grades were totally disappointing. but i'm not gonna just cry over this stupid stuff. there's still a re-test to sit for when school reopens next year. that's what i'm expecting. since i failed? not exactly looking forward to it though. but i guess i'll just work hard this holiday. but somehow it's funny how numb i was towards my grades? i just calculated whether they counted the marks correctly, browsed through it, that's it. -shrug-

angie didn't come. 'cause of her sis. and then she was really tired in the morning. helped her check and stuffs. just that the maths papers i couldn't. yea. overall, i guess she did better than me, unlike the usual case. harhar! joking. she passed everything lar. that's good for her. and it was so boring without her. felt kinda lonely, loser. whatever. like we're supposed to go check out the new container classrooms but i didn't go in the end and went back to have my recess. it's quite.. a weird feeling i must say, not knowing anyone there at all, no one to talk to, and i'm not exactly the chair or vice-chair. so yea. kinda extra?

ohoh. and dear suefaye was late this morning. she came when they finished going through english. and the first thing she asked when she saw me was "do you have an uncle called eugene phua?" then i was thinking whether eugene's surname was phua. and it was! so i was like yea. how did you know and everything. and oh my goodness! the world is bloody small i swear! maybe it's singapore okay, but anyway, sue's sis is a good friend of eugene! they were primary school classmates. and now they're around 20. my god. so qiao okay.

and sue was saying something like he went their house that day and then sue left her neoprints she took with me on the table and he saw it. so he said "come come, ask you who's this?" "jac" "fullname?" "jacqueline lim fang ru" "she's my neice!" wah. damn funny okay. and he started asking sue about me so that he can suan me when he see me again. which is like once or twice per year. new year or great-gramma's birthday. sue and i thought he's good-looking okay. i told you! arh. sue said he's quite good in army stuffs. and that he's skinny enough. i thought he grew fatter last time. nevermind. arh. and he got a really pretty girlfriend too according to suefaye. this is way too funkae. wah. i'm dying to see him again. though we're never that close.

oh anyway, the highest for amath and emath were 95.5 and 94.5 respectively. crazy! ain't it? i was expecting others will get many As in our batch but it turned out to be otherwise. more people scored Bs and Cs and Ds and Fs. at least that's what i thought so. or that's what's happening in our class. oh and some woman just can get 85 for her erm e or amath? doesn't matter. too good enough, hor steph? it's really serious that i didn't do as well as i wanted to or expected to. -sigh- there's always next year. -gambatte!-

can't imagine what will happen when my mum sees my grades. i guess i'm gonna just wait for the next day to announce the really bad news to her. so that i'll just get a scolding instead of two. hope she will be understanding enough? but damn, school's really mad, 57.5 and 65 for average of amath and emath ain't really good. really out to get us. totally a horrid day today in school and i'm sure it's gonna be horrible too tomorrow, thus, i'm not gonna go school. =) i think i might just get slaughtered by my parents, all the best to me. oh damn, i think my brothers will laugh at me too. arh. and then everyone will ostracise me! -laugh-

okay went out with suefaye to eat. went to check the timeslot for the italian job at first. but it was too late. and then we went pastamania and ate. hell, i was sucha messy eater. really comical lar both of us. and we're just talking and talking. we're damn evil i think. then we went to find jiaying and kaixuan in yoshinoya. and started all those hilarious shit. laughed like there's no tomorrow. for 2 solid hours. boy, was it mad.

came home and really sian now. i think i'll really not go tomorrow. call me a coward! i'm not gonna care. =p tomorrow's like dead too. geog, 3 sciences and higher chinese. =| bah.

wonder why angie had to tell people about me sleeping in the fitting room 'cause of her anyway? -shrug-

i'm still hideeous. but i still lurve myself anyway. =))

heaven by your side;
x 10:26 pm