__________a n g e l in need of a direction

Wednesday, November 12, 2003

haven't been updating. too sian. last week was just pure mugging for hell to come. -laugh- i studied sec 1 stuffs on monday, sec 2 stuffs on tuesday, and sec 3 stuffs on wednesday. and i studied gonghans and all those shits in paper 1 on thursday. and still. i felt so unprepared. i mean who the hell can remember anything when she was half-watching the tv and half-studying her shouces. and most of the time. i skipped stuffs that i thought were too easy to come out. and it's nearly 3/4 of the syllabus. like whoa. then what for study.

and it's like so much chinese last week i spouted nonsense in chinese. and i started acting really weirdly like what my dad said. and i'm quite sure i'll just.. turn mad if the exam's a day or two later instead. have never ever seen so much chinese stuffs in my whole life really, except psle last time maybe? honestly, chinese tv shows, chinese books, chinese exam papers to practise, chinese holy-craps. orh. but my chenyu improved. angie seems amazed. hurs.

but i really got freaked out and i was thinking of all shits to happen so that i can pon that freaking exam. you know you just hope you can die. and i was just talking to my mum in the morning and she asked me whether i felt prepared for the exam and i started sobbing like it's the end of the world. how embarrassing.

hmm. i think my mum saw that i could just die or something on the way and she decided that i should just cab down to school. so that i can study more to feel more prepared? -shrug- and on the cab, wah, i think my heart can just pop out and stop beating forever.

so anyway, i thought the paper was okay. do-able. finish-able. i'm not that sure of my A1. i'll die of embarrassment if i don't get it. and bury myself in a hole which i should i better start digging now. and be one of those living deads. ooo. that'll be fun.

did Q2 and Q5.. the gonghan and baozhangbaodao. i hope i got all the mainpoints in my gonghan. and i can't do my sihan. always almost failing. and i'm totally proud of myself and i seriously luurve my baozhangbaodao 'cause i managed to squeeze all cheem words that laoshi encouraged us to use into it. and all the other questions looked weird to me. kinda had no inspiration for shuqing or yilunwen. stoned a lil. but chose Q5 anyway. it's like the one i had most confidence in doing well. but i was so wrong. now to think about it, i think i li-ti. i just focused on kiasu-ness of singaporeans. should have talked about something else. but that's the only thing that came into my mind. and it's like i forgot to mention the consequences. ugh. whatever. just hoped my vocab will impress the marker. else' it'll be a gonecase.

got back our report books after that. my grades are totally disappointing lar. whatever. and i can't even go jc i think. -shrug- must really work harder next year.. nothing much to say seriously. i had not too high expections of myself. but i think it's 'cause i played too much this year. or in fact these 3 years. just too slack. and where's the old nerdy me lester thought i should be. hoho. maybe i'm just getting dumber and dumberer. and we started laughing. 'cause we're expecting a bigger number for L1R5. i mean angie and i. peypey gave me excellent conduct. my foot seriously. when i slept in her class? can't remember what her remarks are and i can't be bothered to check it out 'cause it doesn't really matter, and i don't dare to take my report book out after my dad signed it. oh but she marked there one unexcused absence. like i'm gonna care.

i got D7 for CCA though. and i really think they counted wrongly. i should have like at least 5 points now. sucka. whoever counted wrongly again. they didn't count my participation points in library in sec 2. ugh. i'll scream at the library man. i was the one who checked whether everyone got her 75% and i was damndamn sure i got mine too. and they didn't give me what i'm supposed to get? maybe i still can get an A2 or something next year with my post in library. then while i was rejoicing over how my damn L1R5 is lower now i flipped to the next page and realised they included a whole table of the papers mean and median scores. can't lie much eh to my parents. -sigh-

went to long john silver after that and ate. and then we'll just basically wasting time and crapping around and i was scolding her and stuffs. i think she's used to it. oh wait, i'm referring to angie by the way. and a lotsa nonsense lar. and we couldn't even study anything. so i was in quite a bad mood. and went back to class and mugged a lil more. felt really crap. like totally hopeless. desperate. something like how you would feel if you're stranded on an island with nothing but you and yourself.

managed to get all my ciyus correct. my xucis correct. and i managed to finish all the wanchengjuzis and zaojus. it's just a matter how much i'll score outta 3 marks for each of them. i think i've only got one mark off the zonghetiankong. and i hope i did well for my compre. did whatever i could to save myself from losing more marks. but the questions were really quite weird. and they gave us so many lines, so i was wondering whether i should write more and did i miss out any lines and stuffs? kinda irritating.

oh and i was so fascinated with the scanning barcode thing. 'cause it's been awhile since i sat for sucha important exam. the last time was back in p6. psle. and there was this sticker for you to peel off and paste on the answer booklet. just so freaked out looking at the sticker though and i was checking a few times whether the particulars were correct. erps.

i'll definitely pray for my A1 now.

but i was thinking that i shouldn't have worked so hard. feel really cheated. the ciyus were really easy and the zaojus should be okay. -shrug- and anyway, showed my mum and dad my report book. and she was like hiding it away from my gramma. afraid she'll see the underlined scores. and started nagging and stuff. don't understand why my gramma's that cuckoo. screaming at me and my brothers when we're all EM1 students and our cousins, her fucking beloved daughter's children, were from EM3. it was quite funny though, my mum didn't say anything about me failing. didn't feel right. i'll feel better if she said i'll be grounded for a week or two. but she just didn't say anything.

went out shopping at nite with angeline. and it was so bloody hilarious how strangers thought we're from university? jc? poly? or we're working adults and not secondary 3 students. we just wore this wrap-skirt? err whatever it is lar okay. i wore a black racerback. and chokers. and flipflops. and mmm.. tied my hair. carried my converse bag. wore 2 pairs of earrings which one of them is kinda those dangling kinds? yea. that's about all. no makeups or anything. not that bimbo.

and this woman who was doing a survey on jobs and stuffs approached us and asked us to do the survey for her. and she was kinda shocked we're not working and we're secondary students. =\ and anyway, we met sue and mel for a lil while and we went shopping in wisma and isetan.. and then we started walking to esprit in the whatever hotel.. mandarin hotel i supposed? and angeline met her frens. one of them quite not bad-looking. but amazing how angeline said she changed a lot. didn't really expect it.

so anyway this salesgirl in esprit who's like maybe 40 something? or 50 plus. was helping out with angie and while angie was in the fitting room trying out her pants. the salesgirl talked to me. she was like asking me if it's school holiday and how come it's so early? and i just nodded my head. and she asked me whether i was in poly? and i said no. and told her yours truly is only a secondary 3 student. and she told me we looked big. =| wellwell. kinda cool huh. reached home at around 11 plus. whee.

shall update about today and my new handphone tomorrow.

heaven by your side;
x 12:52 am