__________a n g e l in need of a direction

Sunday, November 02, 2003

i think i shall mass-blog about last week. haven't been doing anything that's productive today. i think i'll go read sec 1 ciyus later. =| oh and my dad's gonna send me to some hospital or clinic. 'cause i was acting really weirdly at the table during dinner. he said that i'm turning mad. i was eating and suddenly i just started clenching my fist and boxing the air. err. and i really did not know why i did that for. and i wanted to wash the plate without eating my chicken. and i started laughing hysterically after that. =|

i guess i'm back to normal with my parents? yea. no apologies or anything. but she'll probably bring this up again the next time we quarrel. -shrug- orh. but i don't know what exactly is wrong with me. like seriously. maybe i'm like those kinds like what angie says, who bottles up everything and won't tell anyone anything. my mouth's real tight when it comes to my own problems. and i'll just burst into tears for nothing. just self-pitying. and then i so do not know why i cry later on. like quite pointless why i did so. which is, more or less, a symptom of pms-ing i assume. angie's always saying i'm stuck in pms-ing and ms-ing. first it's the pre-ms-ing. then the actual ms-ing itself. and then post-ms-ing. so it's neverending. oops. and besides crying, whining, yelling at people for no obvious reason, biting angie when she irritates me, the list is long, and it really goes on forever. i'll try to control my temper. this holiday. i'll try. but there's no promise though. period.

monday
we had sec 4 ciyus kaocha. got 92/100. not that bad lar huh considering how bad my memory is. and then we had to do all the sections one and two in those thick stack of papers. quite fun doing it. i don't know why though. maybe that's one of the signs of turning into a mugger eh. and it's always the same damn thing that happened again and again. i knew only 4 outta 5 words for every paper except for one or two. damn. hope it's not like that for the exam! err. and i really hope i won't lose marks at all for section 1. and hope that section 2 will be easy.

and after that we had this principal's address. and she was talking about bamboo and softball. i know nothing about them still except that probably i know they made me fall asleep. *ugh. and after that pe inter-class competition briefing and preparation was just as crap. and it's like the same thing every year. ohwell. just sat around and stoned. and talked to angie and yanxia. quite funn lar. yanxia and a lotsa people i don't know why are encouraging me to get attached or whatever that kinda shit. which is.. really not appropriate for me right now. don't know why, just don't feel it's right. and it's quite a pity seriously that i'm not going with yanxia. bahh. maybe we can always go together after o-level next year. and when it's not winter and then we can shop till we drop! not bad. but i think angie's asking me to go japan with her or something. not sure too. aiya. why bother now? it's not even the end of this year. hurs.

went out with angeline after that. and i swear we spent a lotsa time talking! she dragged me to orchard library 'cause she wanted to return and borrow some books. and she recommended me this the vampire diaries: the awakening. the first few pages are nice. and i reckon i'll just continue reading after chinese o-level. no harm doing so. but it's quite a miracle she really can make me read. 'cause i really dread doing so. maybe i dread reading horrible books. that's why i stopped reading. so that i won't read any books that're not exactly very nice. some warped theory of mine yet again. oh and she insisted that i should carry her guides' cookies for her and in the end i was right that i'll carry it all the way home. and then she refused to let me have the whole tin. and said that i can only have 5 pathetic pieces of cookies. bah. and i was supposed to bring it back the next day.

tuesday
had pe inter-class competition in the morning. and damn! angie and mel didn't come to school that day. can't remember why she didn't come. but it's always the same few excuses righht angeline? she's just as tofu as me lar. okay anyway, suefaye and i were just sitting around at the covered walkeway at first and then we decided to go to the library 'cause we thought it's just a waste of time looking at them playing. and we went into the librarians' room. and thank god that pervert was out for some stupid course. and the library was empty 'cause missliah had to help out in the lab 'cause of the o-level pract. we thought we were lucky. until we got caught by some liao-ying-lookalike library teacher. well, i managed to lie that we were not feeling well to play in the interclass competition and we thought we should just study for our chinese olevel. and she found it reasonable. but she said i can't bring my non-librarian friend in. and gave me some stupid lecture. like what valuables are there inside the library anyway? and we have integrity okay. she sounded like we will steal. i would have stolen anything that is like valuable, the fridge if it's counted as one of them, long ago if i've got the chance.

had chenyu kaocha later and got 72/80. there were obviously some dumb mistakes made by me. like feng mao ling jiao and i wrote feng gong shou fa. horriblehorrible. and suefaye and the rest started laughing at me. =p and after that i went out with suefaye to eat at yoshinoya in cine. quite hilarious. she's already like so funny. and i do not know what got into me and i acted so angie-ish. suefaye too. so intimidating. hurs. we were just laughing and laughing. maybe i'm always like that dumb everytime. and now she knows that she can just make me paiseh by staring at me long and hard. eeps.

wednesday
we had some discussion on zuowen and the different genres. and then we had to do some da gang on one of the questions in nanyang girls paper. angie and i and basically the four of us behind were just talking and chatting. angie and i especially, were so distracted and we're supposed to discuss about the zuowen and we just kept on digressing. gee. and i kinda got sick with all these drillings on chinese.. bored. oh so in the end we had to rush out our work. which are kinda like crap. got B for it only. and this time angie misinterpret the whole question. but she's got super jac beside her to point out her mistake! -laugh- okay. she was calling herself the chinese master. what a chinese master eh. laoshi's scared of her. and her qing jing zuowen.

well, didn't go for house meeting and hid in library again. this time i didn't get caught or anything. 'cause.. missliah was there! and the nuisance's still away for some course. oh angeline was with me this time. but it's quite funkae. like i got duty hours just by sitting there doing my own work. angie left at 1 something though. she said if she get caught she'll say she has dental appointment. oh and i got to get out of library by 4.. and petrina had to play me out. then sian had to go home myself. but i went to eat baked rice! like finally they're opened! =) totally scrumptious!

thursday
we focused on zhaojus and zong he tian kong. i think it's quite easy to score in zhaojus. at least some nonsensical sentences you write can also get 1 mark. not bad a deal you know. i think we are even stricter than the marking scheme. maybe like what laoshi said, we're studying higher chinese that's why. tried all the zong he tian kongs later on my own. but still it did not improve my answering skills. it's supposed to help you okay. and it seemed like the more i do, the more i deprove. urgh. initially i had like 8/10 and gradually i got like 6/10 and 5/10. like what the hell. anyway. again! there were some talks after chinese. wildlife talk and self-service learning talk and i went to the library again.

this time i got caught or rather recognised by that bloody pervert and he asked me to jaga the counter. i thought it's okay. afterall i will have a reason to sit at the counter and not go for the talk should i get caught. and secondly. i get to count that as duty hours again. -beams- so i finished my zong he tian kongs. and i was supposed to finish doing corrections for 2003 geog paper and 2002 paper. but i only did 2003. 'cause i slept at 5.30 PM the night before. decided to just type out my answers. and see whether i could finish it by that day. kinda "betrayed" suefaye. 'cause i agreed to not do 2002 with her. but i'm just too scared of newby.

oh and sandy leow i think..? whatever her name is, gave us a lecture for not keeping the library quiet. and she said something like we have the authority to force them to get out of the library if they're too noisy or whatever. ack. she's too kaypoh. but i think i'm more kaypoh. when i wanted to type out the damn answers to the 2002 paper. i saw this window that mr chang left open. and guess what it was.. -drumrolls- singaporecupid! or something that sort. you know that kinda where they have a list of women or men who're err single? something that kind. and he was there!! and then there's more. i was already shaking with laughter. then when minimised the window. another window popped up! and this time it was a window with a reply from ping to him. ping's a woman from the singapore cupid okay. and he was interested in making friends with her! and the introduction went something like..

*i'm a SPR and i'm a teacher in RGS for more than 10 years. [my foot! he's not even a teacher. he's just a non-teaching staff!!] i saw your particulars on the singaporecupid [or whatever] and i'm interested in making friends with you. i'm 41 years old and i do not look that old really! [rotflmao!!] and i'm living alone at dover road and i'm single. [riiightt. he's married okay!! liarliar, pants on fire!!] i prefer making frens who are from malaysia 'cause i'm a malaysian myself. [wahaha. damn buaya]*

i swear i'm gonna tell miss liah about it man. totally hilarious. wah. he's really free eh. i mean he could even go check out girls on singaporecupid. woohoo. the more xinyi should get a petition now to send him out of RG and fire his pants. whee! oh and then he gave me mel and suefaye each the secret princess diaries. suefaye suspects that it's a bribe. larlarlar. it's not gonna keep my mouth tight! went out with angie later on.. her steak was superb. but i'm still sticking to my hor fun. and if you put both of us together it's just non-stop yakking. but the chats are not exactly meaningless and shallow. just gets us closer and knows each other better. daddy sent her home after that. how kind of us right angie? -wink-

friday
had this briefing about fen ban next year for chinese in ks chee theatre early in the morning. laoshi's kinda the teacher-in-charge for it i guess. hope i can get into the same class as angie and zing. then it'll be totally fun. =) and we had to reflect on our performance this year and see whether we put in efforts this year and whether our standard's good. so that the teachers can give a better judgement and put us into the right class. lim c.n. gave us this long naggy talk and it was like of no use 'cause i'm quite clear that i didn't exactly give my best and that all my work are kinda sub-standard. -sigh- after that we had a combined lesson with 308. and laoshi told us stuffs about comprehension and how to go along doing it.

went back to class and it was really slack. -guilty look- we're supposed to do the comprehension in the rg prelim paper. but we didn't exactly do anything. planned to go out with zing the night before so she came over and we were just discussing about it. and then suefaye wanted us to pon operation clean-up and join her after she had her dental appointment. i don't know what i was doing lar basically. was yelling at angie for no reason. but the reason why i yelled had something to do with her saying something i'm in class com and i shouldn't do that. but i really hate anyone who says so okay. i know i am jollywell in my cca and class exco. but that definitely doesn't mean they have the right to threaten me with that. maybe it's not exactly a threat, but i hate the way they looked at me as if they're in disgust why i'm doing this and that. saying i'm not supposed to do so. i don't like the feeling of being so restricted in whatever i'm doing. darn. and they don't get that seriously. and they only see one insensitive crazy freako shouting madly like no one else's business.

and then later i was just basically this fucking bitch again arguing with suefaye saying that there's no point that i have to go all the way pon-ning everything like operation clean-up and risk myself getting into troubles with the teachers and stuffs. and then she's not even like going out with us afterall. she's meeting jiaying to go back to her old primary school and not out with me and zing!! and what does she treat us as? like some people she can waste her time on so that she won't be that bored for 2 hours? and after that angie asked her i guess whether she was angry about me throwing a tantrum, she said she'll just assume that i'm pms-ing. like riight. so i'm indeed a crazy bitch barking non-stop. when she's that self-centred in the first place. and everyone. everyone didn't get what i was trying to say. i mean what if zing and i decided to watch a movie and then she won't watch with us isn't it the same as her wasting her own 2 hours somewhere else and we're doing something else instead of going for operation clean-up which will make us feel so guilty about it.

and i'm truly sorry for yelling at you angeline. i know what you're doing is good for me. but i guess i'm just too irritated and pissed off to think rationally. and as for sue, i've nothing to say.

went down to the canteen for a superduper long recess. and then i went through the comprehension and we had operation clean-up. which was fun. quite unexpected. angie and some others and i were cleaning up the room and hell it was so dirty.. and we managed to survive in that for 1 year? unbelievable. and especially in the counselling room or whatever it is in the guidance centre. everyone sat around and just you know, went mad. and there were people outside listening and singing along with jay chou's songs. =) and after that we had this very short talk by this person-in-charge of hnf and then we heard that there's a high possibility that we're shifting to that container block.. bah. that's quite sad. lost by 3 votes. and went out with zing after that! it was like quite sian i think. like no one else on the street that are like from rgs except both of us. went long john's and talked. and walked around after that looking for zing darling's bag. whee. quite fun actually.

and we're saying that it's quite shocking to know we're gonna be sec 4s soon. 'cause we're still like stuck in this i'm-still-a-sec-2 mode. =| that's like.. whatever. i'm so dead. i'm not gonna look like a sec 4!! i'll just look like some mad retard shouting my lungs out at nothing in front of the sec 1s. totally rocking. this is too fast too fast. hope it's just gonna be the best year for me in rg though. although most of the time it's gonna be like mugging for o-level.

saturday
i woke up at 7 for hnf flagday. wah. could have slept longer. -sigh- reached somerset at 8.30.. and i thought i was gonna be late. and in the end angie was even later. was supposed to meet angeline at 8.40. but she came at 9.10 instead. waited for her for 30 minutes. bah. we were supposed to fill in some survey form and then i filled it for her too. just waited for her and helped her out in everything. and then went to toa payoh for breakfast in mac with yining and poleng. and i had gastric pain. well before that i was a retard again. i asked angie what she wanna eat and then we bought together so that there's a higher chance for them to serve us in more than 60 seconds. and i was right! we got a free ice-cream though. not apple-pie anymore. and the cashier was quite nice.

after 1 and a half hours, we went in front of toa payoh's library again and saw chenjing and yanxia and their partners there. well, asked around 93 people for donation. there were some breaks in between of course. went into the library to find yanxia 'cause she gave up half-way. -sigh- chenjing and angie both got a few notes. and even a 10-dollar note. and all i got only one pathetic 2-dollar note. it's just so not my day again. we decided to go back to somerset and on the way, angie said something that pissed me off all the way till lido and okay so i dao-ed her from toa payoh till somerset. and then we met some people like petrina, err can't remember. but i think she commented why i looked so pissed off. and steph said i looked sian. no i'm more. i'm more pissed off. and from somerset we walked till lido. and i decided to tell her that we should go see the bag in pac plaza. we looked around and started talking and i scolded her for saying that kinda stuff. she promised she won't do that again.

well, we bought the same wallet together in the end. 'cause it was really nice. i wanted to get a new pencilcase but i didn't in the end 'cause angeline said it's not nice. but i might just go back and get it. didn't get that bag too. 'cause angie thought it's too white. -shrug- maybe i'll ask my mum for her opinion.

some rather insane stuffs happened but i guess i shouldn't even talk about it here. you never know who the hell read your blog and assume stuffs outta it right? and then they'll probably just start saying that i leaked out something accidentally on my blog when i didn't even do so.. and you never know who the hell came to my blog to fish some funny info outta me too. and i think it's also none of the my business to comment about anything right now. i mean the whole situation's so confusing. ang anyway, the only suggestion i can make is that they should just sit down and clear things up instead of having some funny middle-woman whom we don't even know is trustable or not by the look of how the stuffs now end up to be. no one knows if she really did twist the facts. only she knows it herself. or maybe it's not even her. but at least you can put away all the stupid assumptions about what the other person's thinking.

and by the way naomin, if you happen to read this, even though i highly doubt it, i think what she said was true that we're not involved in this matter and we should just stay outta it. and that the only reason that i butted in was the fact that she called her a bitch. which i think it's kinda hurting and not very nice. and okay, and she claimed that it's normal for her to scold vulgarities but i don't really think it's appropriate when the whole situation is progressing nowhere. and anyway, who am i to comment anyway right? maybe you're gonna hate me for whatever i'd said that afternoon, however, i'm not gonna be sorry for what that were already said, i just wanted to let her know how it feels when she's the one who kena called a bitch not in a jokingly way. it's not that funny afterall. and all i hope now is you didn't get the wrong idea?

after that, we went to lido and ate and talked about a lotsa stuff. thanks girl! lurve you loads. saw biyi and her friends and then mark lee and his wife. coolio. but they walked so far apart. like they're so distant like that. i mean c'mon, they should be close so that the public will think they're a loving couple. but what they're showing is just the opposite. and at around 5 we went borders and there was this 20% discount sale. 'cause borders's 6 years old. looked at the calendars and all were so preetty but horribly ex.. and the 3 for 2 thing, the books look good but i don't think i'll even touch it or read it. there's a walk to remember and i really wanna read it but i don't think i will buy it 'cause my mom will probably think it's a waste of money when i can easily borrow it from the library. i was hesitating whether or not to buy an organiser or diary and in the end i bugged angie to buy that for my birthday presentt and angie got me a diary! so now i can keep whatever i wanna say in it and i won't just publicise my views here that often. but i guess i'll do so after i shift house. angie also got a book on sagittarius too. we spent quite a lotsa money together. but it was a fun day afterall. and weird as it might sound, both of us were sunburnt. and i wonder how the hell we got it when the weather was so cloudy and windy.

again. i keep forgetting the wind has colours.

heaven by your side;
x 11:47 pm