__________a n g e l in need of a direction

Wednesday, November 26, 2003

nothing to write about
kinda monotonous and mundane
no one seems to be blogging, including myself 'cept cheryl

haven't been on msn that often like i used to be
'cause don't feel like it when not many people are online
wonder why
guess they're having work ex
or going overseas
or whatever i don't know.
maybe they're mugging away.
-shrug-

and 'cause brother has started to use msn somehow.
read the chat logs
some were slamming him 'cause he said yuneng sucks
which is totally true
and the rest were irritating childish stuffs i couldn't bring myself to carry on reading
can't find any hints who he likes.
except somebody asking him to tell naomi that he likes her and see what's her reaction.
and i'm not gonna care whether i'm intruding his privacy 'cause he intruded mine first.

that idiot played with my phone and my camera
he took photos of himself too
how ego is that
and anyway he didn't know how to erase them
so they are all in my gallery.
like what the hell.

anyway oh yes. he got 243 for his psle results
which kinda sucks seriously.
but at least his results is higher than the other one
236 and he landed himself in dunman sec.
i'm gonna make sure he's going victoria no matter what.
c'mon it's a great school and it's affliated to vjc which is good too.
and furthermore he'll get to study higher chinese.
so it's easier to secure the 4 bonus points.
instead of going some stupid dunman sec.
no offense. but hey. no higher chinese. no affliation to any school.
but just because it's near my house.
my mum wants him to go there.
i'll never let him go there. i swear. else my head will roll.

this year wasn't as impressive as the other years. though they have a higher percentage of people passing or something like that.
the highest aggregate score was 282 from zing's primary school.
and i was watching the news and he was saying that he expected himself to get 280.
not ego at all.
but maybe he's really zai.
and i was thinking it must have been the best gift the principal has before her retirement.
but anyway. past years, all the top scholars have an aggregate score of 285 and above.
kinda disappointed with the results this year.

my mum and i freaked a lotsa girls and their parents out when they were thinking whether or not to join rg.
and we talked a lotsa nonsense about the school fees, the travelling time, the schoolbus fees and that's it.
i haven't even talked about the thru-train shit and the fact that they should be studying in the containers.
totally mad. and they're all going dunman high.
like whee.
i don't really like any of them actually. especially that ma han ni tun.

oh and did i mention,
that saturday when we got to know the results,
and i checked the buses going vs and stuffs on the net
for my mum that is
and she was like
let's go now!
was really shocked.
but i didn't feel like going.
imagine both of us taking bus there like two retards. and then going home straight.
loitering in front of a boy's school
erps.
and seriously. i only checked how he should go.
i so do not know the route home.

and talking about him meddling with my phone
my phone had some problems
couldn't sms.
so now it's at some shop waiting to be sent to the nokia whatever service
and i can only retrieve it back on friday or saturday.
they provided me with this laopok phone.
with no camera. and i believe it's the same bloody model of the phone my brother lost the other time
and it sucks to the core.
unlock itself when the light goes off.
damn.

wahaha. i think i'm mad.
on 24th nov.
i was like telling my mum
hey i'm in china by now last year.
eating dinner somemore.
when i was watching the news.
and then the next thing i did.
i started laughing out loud.
god knows what i was thinking.
but maybe i was thinking it was kinda wasted that we didn't play that prank.
like asking everyone to go changi airport in the morning.
'cause that's how we met each other for the first time.
and then we all don't go and don't tell anyone.
and see which retard will go.
-laugh-
maybe we can always try on 4th dec.
the day we came back.
and then we must meet at 11 PM.
'cause that's the time we left there.
this is hilarious.

heard from zing that lkl won't be teaching us ss next year
she'll be teaching the sec 3s instead?
or she's retiring? not sure.
but the fact that she's not teaching us, we should actually rejoice.
there's a higher chance that we'll get A1 for ss.
and no more arh-arhs.
there's a ss trip to china too.
i'm gonna make sure i'll go for that.
to show lkl how much i lurve ss.
-rotflmao-

i've been having a lotsa inane thoughts. and dreams too.

and i was thinking how anti-social i am.
seriously.
i don't mixed well with a lotsa people basically.
or actually it's more of like, it seems like i've been mixing well with everyone.
but the fact is i don't.
i know a bunch of people who are acquaintances to me, and i just can't fit them into the category "friends of mine"
instead. they're more often known as my "ex-classmates" "classmates" "librarians" whatever.
and i only have a few that are really close to me.
and it's sad that at any point in my life.
i can count them with my fingers.
and i feel abandoned somehow.
by my friends
when i don't even know who are and who aren't
except for a few that i'm very certain they are
but i don't even bother to mix around with anyone anymore
or to contact anyone in fact
why should i feel abandoned then
weird eh.

i feel outta place when i'm not supposed to
i'm not close to anyone.
in library.
in class 'cept for a few.
in school?
where everyone else seems to know everyone else.
and i know no one.
-laugh-
i'm an outcast!

and i'm thinking whether i'm getting superficial and shallow.
'cause that's definitely not an impression i want people to have of me

i think i have changed
but changes are inevitable.
or so i think.
but i'm afraid.
it's for the worst instead.

maybe this is kinda a self-reflection.
i can hear myself talking to myself.

and when i'm looking at others' blogs.
they're forever happy and cheerful, or that's what they seem to be.
and then i'll be thinking why am i thinking all these stuffs instead.
like where is the jac who chose not to think about anything that's gonna stop her from enjoying her life
and other stuffs she said to this pessimist.
maybe everything is nothing but a facade.
maybe that person is true afterall.
but i'm blaming him for talking those nonsenses and now it got into my stupid brain.

oh whatever.

i suddenly remembered.
my mum's crazy over wilber pan.
she thinks he's cute and he sings well.
-laugh-
better than jaychou.

i finished emath assignment already.
wanted to start on amath.
but staring at it already gives me headache.
it's hell a long list.
i wanted to do all.
like what i did for emath.
but i just couldn't.
and how am i supposed to start on everything else.

i'm having cold wars with jeremy
not talking to each other
and yea. dao-ing.
over some stupid chicken rice sauce.
and it's almost a week.
crazy.

i'm insomniac now.
really.
can't sleep until after 3.
freaked myself out thinking about what's around me.
not human beings.
too much the ring, ju-on?
-shrug-

maybe that's one sign i'm turning mad.
honestly.
who thinks about these kinda stupid stuffs.

oh. friendster.
stupid angie's on it.
like finally.
'cause she's thinking that once you joined you can't get out.
but that's not the truth.
not gonna tell her anyway.
added her.
and just added a few others too.
ex-classmates.
and wrote a few testimonials.
for sherlyn mortal, melissa guay and angie i think.
yea should be.
they wrote for me. that's why.
angie posted her testimonial for me 3 times.
hilarious.
i wonder if she'll accept mine.
kinda suaning i think.
but all of what i've said are true.
-rotflmao-
i still don't know whether i should continue adding people.
maybe i should.

can't remember what else i've been thinking.
or what else i've done.
really tiring trying to recall.
don't feel like recalling too.
draining my brain juice.
har har.
like i have a brain.
and i don't feel like paragraph-ing everything.
so i shall just leave it like that.
like how i usually draft my entries.
until i feel like doing something to it.

or maybe i can just start blogging like this way.

nevermind.

heaven by your side;
x 7:19 pm