__________a n g e l in need of a direction

Monday, March 08, 2004

i realised how badly i wanna talk to someone. to just, you know, confide in somebody. but there's no one out there i can really trust anymore somehow.

and i don't know who to talk to. everyone seems so distant.

thanks to you.

and the only place i probably can just utter nonsense is this tiny space here. i don't know what i'm feeling actually. so numb about everything right now. i feel like crying again out of self-pity. yet i've no tears to do so. i'm too tired of everything i reckon.

then again, i'm too afraid of putting stuffs up here.

and the same fucking routine i'm going through over and over again is boring me out. totally. did i mention it's so nauseating. and i wonder how i could put through this term without mcs. it's just so unlike me.

and it's getting frightening how different i'm getting from the real me.

but who's the real me?

got an A1 for chinese. and distinction for my oral and aural. thought i was gonna screw it up damn badly. and surprisingly, i wasn't excited at all. didn't scream or jump around like a retard, which, amazed me how calmly i could take it.

i know i haven't been updating. i don't know whether i should. and i feel so totally.. out of place suddenly.

waiting for zihua to go home with me. and waiting for the fucking rain to stop. like thanks a lot. what a nice day to start a week with.

screwed up my chinese test. don't know what i was writing for english paper 1. and basically. everything about me is just so screwed nowadays.

yay. that's just so my life. never was it unscrewish before.

envious of people having a rocking good time out there. and i'm stuck in nowhere going through the same cycle.

have i mentioned that before?

oh yes. and i'm just afraid to publicise how unexciting my life is getting here online. that's why i stopped blogging.

fuck. and now everyone knows how insecure i feel and how pessimistic i can get.

heaven by your side;
x 5:22 pm