__________a n g e l in need of a direction

Thursday, March 18, 2004

i swear i wanted to forgive you. but believe me, it's a hard thing to do when the trust is gone.

everyone has been asking me why haven't i forgiven you. and when am i going to do so. i'm not gonna start talking normally when the obvious is it's not the same like it is before anymore. and maybe i'm just too stubborn to talk.

but you should try understand what i'm feeling. and not blaming me for being so cold towards you. even zing understands how it is like, i don't know why you can't seem to comprehend it.

fuck. you're not the only one getting so depressed/frustrated over it.

but maybe i'm at fault too. i didn't give you a chance to give me a proper explanation. but i'm too sick of everything. and i'm scared of you crying again.

gee. i'm supposed to do my geography table on development. and here i am blabbering nonsense.

had this sudden urge to blog. 'cause jiamin started blogging. whee. i'm so easily influenced.

half the holiday's gone. and i have yet enjoyed myself.

had swim carn on friday. and the highlight's probably the teacher's event. i swear i'm in lurve with liwei! -rotflmao- like how hot he was in his purple swimtrunk! my god. i was screaming my ass off?! heyhey. purple thingthing. sexually deprived! it just confirmed that the rumour's true! and i thought adrielyap was bad enough. but look! my darling won him!!! swim carn was like really horrible. and i realised almost all the guy teachers are fair and flabby/hairy. -laugh- and they still dare to flaunt their assets. 'cept halsall. james ong looked good though. -wink- at least from far. x) could see his muscles. and he's tanned. whoaa. too bad his shoulder ain't broad enough. else i'll really fall for him like what meixian already did.

went out for dinner with zing later. which was really a smart decision of ours. caught up on lotsa stuffs. not exactly a lot in that sense as in quantity?, but at least i know what she's been feeling and all that, quality time spent.

it's inevitable that people drift away from each other with no constant communication, no matter how close they were. memories faded, gap between each other widened, but as long as they know that's not what you wished to happen, i reckon they won't hold it against you. don't feel so bad about it? you won't lose them just like that. if your friendship with someone is really dissipating just 'cause there's a communication break-down, i guess the friendship's rather superficial? -shrug- anyway, i guess blogs are better off if they're plastic instead of reflecting your innermost feelings and thoughts. i got into lotsa troubles when i was frank with everything. i still do i guess.

and cine was unusually crowded that day. mainly 'cause there's something at the entrance, there's some temporary set up stage and i don't know why, but it got many passerbys and others attracted to it.

saw nelson on the bus back to school i think. could hardly recognise him. just vaguely remembered how he looked like. arhh. so tall and suave. -lol- my darling uncle i hardly see.

after that i had library camp. whoa. i actually went and stayed over. and i swear it's my biggest mistake ever. i hate library. they pulled my hair, splashed water on my face, poked my fingers, attempted to make me deaf with loud alarms, pulled out the chair i was sleeping on and other funny stuffs when i couldn't wake up. i wonder if it's a torture camp or library camp. ugh. and not like there's much to do. NO ACTIVITIES FOR SENIORS TILL 12 SOMETHING? and i was pulled out of bed at what, 7.30?! fucking assholes. no other further elaborations. i will just die of anger if i babble everything out now.

and it's not a big surprise how i could sleep for 17 hours straight after i came home.

had amath extra lesson on monday. which was boring as usual. and then went out with meixian and julia. wanted to watch some horror movie and to our horror, it's not out yet. so we were just at lido having our lunch, talking about something i can't even remember. julia went off with her cousin later, and meixian and i went to shop for mich's and jul's birthday presents. we went zara. and we saw hot pink tubes. so we were like mad. and we tried on them. i tell you we looked freaking retarded. we even took a photo! -laugh- got them their presents, which by now, is quite obvious what they are.

and the past few days, i've been a good girl, rotting at home, doing my homework dilligently. and yet, i've only completed my amath self-practices. there're still so much more to do. -sigh-

it's quite shocking to realise, if it's not because of my brothers and i, my mum would have divorced with my father long ago. she totally can't stand him, neither can i. well, but it's still quite scary, i wonder if she'll do that in the future. when all of us can support ourselves. -shrug-

have library thematic display meeting and community service at kk tomorrow [err i mean today]. long day for me. and still no fun.

wish me luck. how am i supposed to enjoy the holiday. shall give zihua a call and ask her out to explore tampines mall again. sound retarded again.

ohno. it's 2.10 already?! so screwed. hope i can wake up tomorrow. i mean, err, today.

heaven by your side;
x 2:12 am