__________a n g e l in need of a direction

Sunday, March 21, 2004

i'm surprised that i didn't scream the house down when i shouted at my dad the other day.

i think the small harmless chat my brother and i were having with my mum about my dad instilled some hatred for him into me.

well, if you think a dad playing computer games or whatsoever games is cool, you're so absolutely wrong. take my dad for example. a very good one indeed. and you can take him if you want, for all i care is he's gone.

fuck. he's glued to the comp once i get my butt off it, whether or not i'm in the middle of doing something, err, important. can someone please knock some sense into him and ask him to stop being so.. child-like.

and he insisted on finishing the game which he can bag no benefits from, while on the other hand, i've to wait to finish whatever i have to when i cannot afford to waste any fucking time.

not like he's good in playing it anyway.

if he is, i've nothing much to say. except to maybe exclaim in awe how cool my dad is. that's crazy. and it'll never ever happen.

i don't know what's his damn problem. and amazingly, he's still aware that he's my dad. i'm surprised that he couldn't even tell what's priority. and furthermore, i didn't ask him to leave out of the blue, i was there all along, and he agreed to just get off when i'm back from my meal, so why didn't he keep to his damn promise then?

and he said i was wrong screaming at him, 'cause he's my dad afterall. but he didn't and he won't gain and earn his respect from me unless he changes. i've been tolerant and understanding enough. no?

the best thing was, how did we even start the quarrel in the first place? all i did was standing beside him, and asking him what the hell was he getting from all these games when i've got something more important like a geog worksheet to finish? money? err, or what?

he claimed that i'm too money-oriented and i've an attitude problem. like whoaa. that's cool. at least i wasn't reprimanded for asking stupid questions.

and he shouted at me for no valid reason.

so, like any sane person will do, or at least that was what the sane me did, i screamed back. smashed everything i could reach out for and banged my bedroom door and locked myself in there until he's willing to get off the computer and hide in his bedroom. after slamming the door too obviously.

i'm a spoilt brat, i know.

i suppose it was quite foolish of me to cry over such a thing when ultimately, i still think i wasn't at fault. i guess i was too overwhelmed with guilt and anger then. what's with crying when you're sad, happy, angry, et cetera by the way?

pity my mum. can't imagine what she's gone through with this juvenile piece-of-shit for 17 years? she can't stand him, yet she can't bear to leave him either i think. i don't know why they got married in the first place. i don't know what's so good in him. must have been too blinded with this thing called love. or infatuation.

he's nowhere near the same as he was last time, in terms of appearance. from a tall, dark, pretty okay-looking guy to now somewhat fat white and flabby.

and not like he's good-tempered, has been reasonable about everything or anything nice. to say the truth, he's just a self-centred bastard who would rather help outsiders than us. and he's self-delusional, too.

plus, he doesn't help out with the housework that he's promised to do so before we moved out from my grandparents' house. isn't it conspicuous what he can do is just making empty promises and nothing else? oh wait a minute, he sure can be irritating yea?

oh god. forgive me for my impertinence and outright defiance, but still, i hate him fucking loads.

heaven by your side;
x 1:54 am