__________a n g e l in need of a direction

Friday, December 03, 2004

so i thought i had enough friends to care and be concerned about me when i'm down and all. and i realised how it was more of a wishful thinking instead past few days.

for 4 fucking consecutive days, i had lunch breaks, either alone or with strangers i have to try to be friendly with 'cause they're gonna be my colleagues for 1 month. for once i felt so helpless so awkward so fake so hypocritical, no one who's my friend was there to even help me and well offer to have lunch/dinner with me. especially the first day, lunch alone at macs, dinner alone at the staff room. and it was full shift somemore. so i stood there from 11 AM to 10 PM. and i guess no one really know how painful how irritating my legs were 'cause there were actually so many blisters from wearing the new shoes i needed 7 plasters for both feet.

so that's pretty okay, it's not their faults really, they might not even be in town. so i tried sms-ing. surprisingly, those that replied instantly were no one close enough to last for long. just acquaintances. even more amazingly, the person who called to check on me whether i'm fine and all and asked whether i wanna meet up to chill out after work was not someone i would consider a friend.

uncle tony was nice to accompany me the second day, but it was weird 'cause we didn't talk much. then it was aunty wendy and huishan from NUS. still it was awkward 'cause i don't know them that well. but huishan was pretty nice. and today's aunty wendy and another woman from i-don't-know-where and i had to smile and looked as if i'm okay. and i left early to stone outside robinsons. no one replied me yet again. and i stoned till i could almost cry.

i better shut up man.

heaven by your side;
x 11:22 pm