__________a n g e l in need of a direction

Saturday, August 27, 2005

i think i'm damn bitchy sometimes. which is bad. ): ohwells, at least it's a good start to come to realisation. (:

i happen to think i'm very superficial too. i judge people on the first impression they give and it hardly fades. then i realise how hypocritical i can be, and how much of an ass i can be too towards someone i don't really like. especially ______, ____, ______, and the list can go on forever. |:

scary thoughts.

and it's damn amusing to hear that most of the people think i'm fierce or something when they first saw me.

i'm nice, really. (:

and it contradicts the first sentence somehow. hmm.

anyway yay i can't wait for the holidays to come. lesser contact with others. like face-to-face which i totally abhor now. double yay 'cause next week's a bloody short week. ((:

come to think of it, i just don't wanna meet a certain someone that frequently anymore that's all. no make it, all the guys in the world, 'cept those in my family. WAH this must've been the umpteenth time i've said this, but i miss rg so damn much. ): if only i'd known i'd miss it so much i would've treasured everything in there, even if it's like the trashiest stuff, great examples would be wongtk or lee ah-ah.

i miss wongtk's "gooood morrning girrls" and lee ah-ah's "ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah" somehow.

SIGH. i would've loved them to bits then.

if only human relationships ain't that complicating. i still don't get why _____'s acting all so weirdly. _______ too. ): maybe it's meant to be like what it's always been last time. i'm not supposed to think that much. i get depressed and so-not-jac when i think. which sounds totally like me really being an airhead. but AHWELL. let's not think. (: i absolutely marvel at how i was able to keep relatively focused in upper sec. wake up, school, homework, study, home, sleep, go out with close friends, stayover at pet's, mel's and whoever else's houses, play and have fun, go crazy, get very tired everytime somehow, sleep. i realised it's more of there's hardly time to think.

BLEH. it's hard to change, lah. i doubt i'll even treat ______ any better after this which supposedly is a kinda self-reflection. maybe i'll smile one of those really fake smiles of mine more at him again. oh damn, that's gross. but i'm sure i'll get frustrated enough in trying to be nice in less than an hour on monday. i can bet my head on that. and i'll just curl up and die on the spot, with white foam in the mouth. just the sight of him makes me wanna throw away everything i'm doing and run for my life. and it doesn't help when daryl and desmond are suaning me about him and _______ together. this might be the saddest part of my jc life.

heaven by your side;
x 10:48 pm